The DC Pentagram Gets a Much Needed Update, Thanks to Pizzagate
By William Hicks
While most Americans are eagerly awaiting reboots of Beauty and the Beast and The Mummy, a very special piece of American culture got it’s own 2017 reboot: the D.C. Pentagram.
“The satanic pentagram under which the White House sits is an open door through which Satan has access to our president,” the American evangelist Ed Decker once said.
But that theory was so 2005.
Now thanks to brave Pizzagate researchers at Voat.co, we have a fresh-baked twist on a old, crusty narrative.
The new and improved Pentagram is stretched all the way to none other than Comet Ping Pong pizzeria and the C.H.I.L.D. Center. For those uninitiated with Pizzagate, Comet Ping Pong is ground zero for a child sex trafficking ring with connections to high level Democratic operatives like John Podesta. The shop is rumored to have tunnels underneath where children are kept and transferred to other stops on the DC pedo circuit. While there is no evidence for any of it, there is hard evidence that Comet Ping Pong sits on Connecticut Avenue, an unmistakable arm of DC’s (possibly Satanic) pentagram.
The Pentagram reboot was created by the Voat user DICKFART_, who provided additional details for each point on the star. Apparently the CHILD Center at the northeast point has gotten a number of negative reviews on Google. Coincidence? Maybe, but we’ll need more evidence.
DICKFART_ even made a larger pentagram with additional child care facilities in the District.
The easternmost point is Childcare Lovingcare, while the western point is the River School. Not much is known about either place but they have something to do with children and fit in a Pentagram shape, so….
While the theory may sound a bit cheesy, the additional toppings to the Washington’s Satanic star are certainly a long overdue update. Who said Pizzagate never solved anything?